It has been an incredible couple of weeks of revelations since returning from our TRP Fall retreat, "Revealing the T.R.U.T.H ™ of Who I AM".
My own truths surfaced like a freight train derailing at high speed and I had no choice but to dive in. Poetically I was faced with a huge disappointment literally within 24 hours of kicking off our retreat. I had received a rejection letter from CTI, a company that I hold near and dear to my heart and consider a part of my personal evolution to living my most honest, co-active, enriched, conscious life. The rejection was timed perfectly (a disguised gift) as it dropped into my awareness on the Friday night that we had kicked off our retreat, and as I was co-leading this retreat I had no place to hide, to pretend...I mean we were leading a retreat about personal TRUTH for Goddess's sake!
I could pretend (a lie) or I could be real, be transparent, and share it with our group to teach, to model, to lead for the highest of good, as well as honor my truth, all the while not making it about my story, but more about what is possible in the moment, in this truth for me and what I made up about it.
How may I serve this group of women with this tremendous disappointment, and show up with integrity? This was not a small challenge, and it was most important for me to consider how the hell to move forward with its impact.
What did I do? I modeled walking myself through the T.R.U.T.H™ Process. I leaned into the work of The Revelation Project, and our teachings, and I took the steps to recover back to Self.
1) To TRUST my Self to feel my feelings; the good, the bad and the ugly. I allowed myself to feel them all, reminding myself that feelings are not right or wrong, they are experiences, I let it all belong, without edit, without shoulding on myself. A fully permission-ed experience.
2 ) REVEAL and RECLAIM the truth of my feelings…willing myself to stay with the painful feelings, revealing more, instead of folding into the desire to pop up to the surface where my ego exists and buy into the story the ego wants to tell that will distract me from feeling the truth of my pain. So I dove deeper (we call this the soul-dive) I went deeper into my feelings...nothing more or less, just stayed with the feelings, without judgement…and RECLAIMED my truth by asking Self, "What do I know to be true?" I am bewildered, I am sad, I am hurting, feeling hugely disappointed…I was rejected, not seen- is that true…no, what then…I’m feeling regret that I most likely will not have another opportunity to apply for a CTI Leadership position- is that true…no, I really can’t know that…recover to what I am feeling, don’t go to the story, I’m feeling so damn disappointed, I had allowed myself to really, really, want this…
3) UNLEARN the training ground of stories I’ve gotten attached to that have trailed me for life times. Stories do not define me, and I remember there is a treasure of UNKNOWing that will be revealed in time, and I get to unlearn the assumed nature of my ego that tells me stories of untruths when I experience hurt and disappointment.
Such as "This happened because ____________________"
Instead, I stay in this process and recover to what is true in this moment.
4) TELLING MY TRUTH, I am leading now, and I am actually a kickass effective Leader...and there is more...I am doing exactly what I have asked for, dreamed about, invested my blood, sweat and tears and heart forever more for, and I'm doing it with a partner that is just as kickass, no less. I am actually living my dream NOW. Holy Revelations, I am living the best dream for my life purpose in this moment.
5) HONOR Self with my truth on my terms, trusting that more will be revealed.
I am left with my truth and not the story, only an experience of my true feelings, no more and no less. The rejection did not make me any less, it did not take away my gift of Leading, or my self worth. Bottom line, I was not invited to move forward with CTI. Hugely disappointing, yes, AND, I get to live my life calling.
Who knows what is good and what is bad…?
More to revealed,
With Revelations & Love,
Written by Andrea Willets October 2019